I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
