You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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