I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
