singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
50% drunk capacity currently
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
