My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
