just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
