Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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