we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
