Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
