I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
