every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
