Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
