if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
