In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
