Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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