I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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