I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
