Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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