I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
