I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
