WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
