I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
and you fell through a lawn chair
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
