Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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