You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Text me some of your sweat
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