really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize