i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
