I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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