this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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