I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You pole danced in your parka.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
