im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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