Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
