you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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