shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
