What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
