What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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