Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
