You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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