He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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