census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
