you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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