i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
