So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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