see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
