K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
