you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
