I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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