i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
