I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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