just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
