I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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