Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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