Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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