Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
