I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
