Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
