If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
