You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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