Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
