My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize