so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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