fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
