I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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