When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
