I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
