This dress was meant to end up on your floor
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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