He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
