i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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