oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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