So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
