I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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