I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
