Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
