when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
