True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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