so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
