Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
