Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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