Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
