okay pat passed out under dana's car
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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