Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
