Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
